Imagine if you will, who you were as a child. If you were like most, you were probably carefree, stress-free and focused on enjoyment above all else. Something else you probably did was look foolish publicly, multiple times in the journey of trying new things. In the process of publicly humiliating yourself, you learned to do and not do certain things and as a result you learned certain behaviours.
Time passes and you’ve grown up. You’re now a teenager. You’ve begun adjusting to social norms and attempt to fit in with everyone else in order to rise to the top of the social hierarchy we know to be our peer group in school. You still act childish when the opportunity presents itself, but it’s no longer for your enjoyment, it’s for the acceptance of your peer group. The game has changed from playing the fool to learn to playing the fool to appease the crowd.
A few years go on. You’ve now matured and are now an adult. The idea of playing the fool is no longer something you consider worthwhile doing. You realise that your actions have consequences and due to your past insubordination, you realise that being foolish causes damage. As a result, you’ve become more risk-averse and prone to compliance.
Further time passes, you have gone beyond the middle-age. You have a family and a peer group who you talk to frequently. Your behaviour is complicit to normalcy and while it keeps those surrounding you at bay, you don’t feel yourself. You never tried anything new and did what was required to keep your life in-tact. You didn’t take a single risk and always opted to not look foolish or unqualified in front of those you care about. You feel somewhat content, but not fulfilled.
It’s towards the end of your life. You’re in the final moments of your existence. In mere minutes, you will fade into the abyss, never to return. You do as many others before you have done in this situation, you reflect on the life you’ve lived. You think of your children. You’re proud of them. They have grown up into the people you always knew they could be. You think about your spouse and the life you lived together, from the inception to the very end.
As you drift away from your thoughts about others, you now enter a final moment set of reflection about yourself. You are free from the incumbrance of opinion. It is just you and you alone. You think about the life you lived, the challenges you faced and the person you became and while you feel like you lived a content life, a part of you feels hollow. You think about all of the times you were afraid to do something, because you wanted to avoid embarrassment, how you wanted to be seen as competent and not a “noob”. You remember all of the choices you made, how you chose to play it safe in every encounter and you think, “why did I do that?”. You begin to develop a pit in your stomach. You feel sadness and despair. You feel the fear that this is the end, it is now too late to go and do what you wished you had done. It’s over. The feeling of regret sinks in. You think about the times you wished you had told that person back in school how you felt, but had chosen to avoid. You think about the dreams you wanted to pursue but decided to repress. You think about the life you wanted to live, but chose to deny. Your eyes close and your story has come to the end.
Now, let’s flip the script.
Imagine you are back to being a teenager. This time, you continue to play the fool, but not in the pursuit of acceptance, this time in the pursuit of curiosity. As a result of non-conformity, you’re isolated away from others. You struggle to fit in but this doesn’t bother you, as your primary focus is on following your curiosity. You aren’t afraid to make errors, because these errors are nothing but feedback for you. You’re learning in the process of discovery.
You are now a few years older, you’re entering adulthood, but the ember of curiosity burns brightly inside of you. You’re more prone to taking risks, not for the sake of doing so, but just as happenstance from pursuing your interests. Those closest to you think of you as insane, but while this does impact you, it’s not enough to deter you from pushing beyond obscurity.
More time has passed. You have exceeded the middle-age. You have a family and friend group whom you care about deeply. As you got to this point, you had tried out multiple things and taken risks frequently. Most of these risks didn’t pay off, but some of them did. You’re in the position where you are pursuing your curiosity constantly, whilst being able to take care of those you love. Despite the pain from being burned in the past, you still persevere in taking chances that aid in the pursuit of your curiosity.
It is now towards the end of your life. In mere minutes, you will fade away into the abyss, never to return. You will be an afterthought to some and a lifelong memory to others. You think about your kids, how they grew up into incredible people and how proud you are of them, for following in your footsteps, not in the sense of mimicking your career and life choices, but in the values you instilled in them and the courage they exhibit from pursuing their curiosity. You think about the spouse you were with, the life you lived together and the love you shared.
You begin to drift away from those you love and are entering the final thoughts you will ever have. These thoughts are reflections of your life. The things you did, the person you became and the people you impacted along the way. You remember the times you felt scared but pushed through and took the chance to pursue your interests. You remember every single risk you took, from sharing the feelings you had with those you cared for to looking incompetent professionally, all in the pursuit of following your heart. There are things you wished had happened, but these don’t haunt you, as you realise that every chance you took, you did so in the pursuit of your curiosity in an attempt to become better and that everything that happened, the good and the bad, led you to who you were. As you think about the good you did, you realise that you lived a life of adventure, a life that was fulfilling, a life worth living. There is very little regret you feel. You take a sigh of relief, thinking about how you gave everything you had to this life. Your eyes begin to close and as you fade into the abyss, you think about how you became the person you were, all because you were willing to be thought of as the fool.